Victoria frowned slightly, as though she hadn't quite considered it in those terms. She hesitated before answering. "I've never really thought about it," she confessed. "But... maybe it's because I've never met a man as great as my father or my brother. It feels like... what's the point of depending on someone who doesn't measure up to the men I already have in my life? It's like..." She faltered, feeling a little guilty as the words came out. "It's hard to respect most of the guys out there. I don't expect them to be as wealthy, but even basic respect—they haven't earned it."
A bitter chuckle escaped her. "I sound arrogant, don't I? I'm not trying to look down on men, but... maybe that's why I lean toward women. It's easier."
Kaylee nodded slightly, understanding. It wasn't arrogance, but rather the high standards that naturally came from growing up around men like Ford and Victor. She could see how Victoria's perspective had shaped her, making it difficult for her to find someone worthy of trust.
Victoria felt something in her lightening, as if uncovering this realization had eased some hidden burden. "And maybe," Kaylee added thoughtfully, "your desire for love and care—like from a mother or sister—might have been mixed up in how you view relationships with other women?"
Victoria's gaze snapped toward Kaylee, caught off guard by the question. Could it be true? Could her yearning for maternal or sisterly bonds have been confused with romantic feelings? She hadn't considered that before.
The air between them thickened with unspoken questions. They were only a quarter into their journey, yet the conversation had taken an unexpectedly deep turn. Victoria hadn't anticipated such intensity, nor had she expected Kaylee's unflinching acceptance. This woman was different—genuine, loving, non-judgmental—almost too remarkable for her age.
Then, almost on impulse, Victoria decided to ask something that had weighed on her for a long time. Kaylee seemed trustworthy, and perhaps she could finally offer some clarity.
"I have something I’ve been wanting to ask," Victoria began, her voice wavering slightly as she hesitated, gathering courage. She glanced at Kaylee and added, "I hope it doesn’t shock you... but I really want to know."
Kaylee noticed the vulnerability in Victoria's expression and gave her a warm, reassuring smile. "Go ahead," she said softly. "I'll do my best to help."
Victoria hesitated, visibly uncomfortable with the question she was about to ask, but then the words spilled out. "Do you think it's wrong to... touch ourselves?"
The question hung in the air, and immediately, Victoria regretted asking it so bluntly. Her heart raced, and she felt truly exposed for the first time in their conversation—vulnerable in a way she hadn’t anticipated.
Kaylee blinked, caught off guard. The unexpected question left her momentarily speechless as she tried to process what she had just heard. Sensing the slight tension in Kaylee’s reaction, Victoria quickly rushed to clarify, her voice tinged with nervousness.
"I mean, people have sex outside of marriage all the time. For men and women, there's always the risk of pregnancy or STDs. With myself, there's no risk, right? You get the pleasure, the biological needs are met, and there's no worry about unwanted pregnancies, abortions, or single motherhood." She trailed off, clearly uncertain if she should have said anything at all.
Kaylee's mind swirled with emotions. This was a conversation she hadn't anticipated, but she tried to listen with compassion. It wasn't a subject Kaylee had ever explored personally. In her relationship with Victor, their boundaries were clear—they had committed to wait. But this was different, something foreign, and yet, strangely unsettling.
Victoria sensed the tension growing between them and gave a forced half-smile, trying to mask her own nerves. "I'm not sure about you and my brother, and you have one another. But for me, I don't know," she added quickly, feeling exposed. "It started when I felt something when cold water hit me in the shower, and... it felt so good." She hesitated, her cheeks flushing slightly. "That's when I started... experimenting with myself. And as I explored it more, I found other women doing it too, so we... try things together."
Kaylee’s cheeks flushed as well, though she worked to maintain her composure. She was an adult, but the question felt both unexpected and deeply personal.
Victoria kept her eyes on the road, her voice low, though a hint of uncertainty lingered. "After a while, it just made sense to me. Women... we understand each other in ways men don't. I just don't see the harm in it, you know?"
Kaylee took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. There were many layers to address in Victoria’s question, but she knew one thing for certain: she didn’t want to compromise what she believed to be true—about God, holiness, and love. Still, she wanted to extend grace, even if this conversation felt challenging.
“Victoria,” she began gently, “when we look for answers about what we can or can’t do, it’s easy to pick out only the parts of the Bible that fit what we want to hear. We’re good at finding ways to justify ourselves—I learned that early on in my journey as a Christian. It’s like, if there’s a rule, we instinctively try to find a way around it.” Her voice was soft and measured.
"So, I learned to check myself using a different method before God. Instead of asking what I should or shouldn’t do, I ask myself, who do I want to be—to be holy or not? Because ultimately, above the calling to love, is the calling to be holy," she elaborated, then she paused, letting her words settle.
Victoria didn't interrupt, she was quiet, but she was listening, and thoughtfully pondering what Kaylee was telling her.
"For the question you asked—whether it’s wrong to touch ourselves—maybe you could approach it from a different angle," Kaylee said gently. "Ask yourself: Does this help you stay holy? Does it allow your body to remain a holy temple for the Holy Spirit?" Kaylee patiently guided her.
Hearing this, Victoria felt an immediate clarity on the answer she’d been searching for. It was suddenly evident that this act had no place in the Bible as something holy or righteous. Though she wasn’t angry with Kaylee for offering this clarity, her heart sank as she realized the weight of her own past actions. How could she have convinced herself that such an act was good?
Seeing that Victoria was listening intently, Kaylee continued, "In my understanding, indulging in self-pleasure is as sinful as sex outside of marriage, as sinful as an unnatural sexual relationship between two women or two men, and just as sinful as any dishonoring sexual act, even between a husband and wife. Intimacy is a sacred, beautiful gift given by God to be shared within the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman. It’s meant for a husband and wife to cherish each other—not only physically, but also emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. When it's driven solely by lust for satisfying one's sexual desire and pleasure, I think that has distorted what God delicately designed for us. That's why it's so damaging to watch pornography and adult films, because they all paint an entirely wrong picture of sex as God intended it, within the boundary of marriage. They focus only on giving the viewer the feel-good pleasure they’re looking for, typically driven purely by lust."
She paused, allowing her mind some space to continue piecing thoughts together. "As for the idea of ‘meeting biological needs,’ that’s just how science rationalizes it. The drive and the urge are real, I know—I feel them at times too. But I believe that, with the Holy Spirit’s help, our will can be stronger. That’s why some people remain sexually pure throughout their lives—physically, emotionally, and mentally."
Kaylee took a deep breath as she turned to look at Victoria, her tone growing more serious. “There’s something important I need to share with you. When we sin, we open doors for evil spirits to enter our lives. And the devil only has one goal—to steal, to kill, and to destroy." Victoria’s eyes widened; she glanced briefly at Kaylee, then back to the road, her grip on the wheel tightening.
"And sexual sins, they open doors to the kind of demonic spirits that can bring generational curses upon our bloodline, lasting for several generations if we do not repent of our sins and pray fervently to break these curses and cast out such demonic spirits from our lives." Victoria stole another glance at Kaylee, catching the compassion in her future sister-in-law’s eyes, which held a pleading urgency.
She couldn’t fully explain what she felt in that moment, but her heart ached with the weight of Kaylee’s words, the gravity sinking slowly into her mind and spirit.
A heavy silence filled the car. Kaylee could sense the turmoil within Victoria, the deep struggle evident in her furrowed brow as she processed the hard truths Kaylee had just shared. It was a lot to take in, and the challenge ahead would be no small task.
Kaylee took another steadying breath, her voice softening. “Don’t be afraid. Our Lord Jesus Christ is greater.” She gently placed a hand on Victoria’s arm, offering comfort and reassurance. “When you’re ready, I can guide you through a deliverance prayer. But for it to work, you’ll need to confess and repent of your sin and accept Christ as your Savior, so His righteousness can redeem you through salvation.”
Her words were like oxygen to a drowning soul. Victoria clung to them, though her mind raced, grappling with the thought of leaving behind the life she had grown accustomed to.
***
By early afternoon, Kaylee and Victoria arrived at Lundu Beach. Sunlight bounced off the waves, promising a memorable day ahead. As they parked, they were immediately drawn to the lively scene—a mini-market filled with colorful stalls dotting the beachside, buzzing with people, music, and laughter.
“Let’s get some lunch first?” Kaylee suggested, nodding toward a cozy beachfront cafe just beyond the market.
The cafe offered a blend of local Sarawakian dishes and multiracial flavors that made Kaylee’s eyes light up. As she scanned the menu, her appetite was immediately captured by the ginger fish porridge, paired with crushed salted egg and braised peanuts. She could practically taste the warmth and fragrance of sesame oil just reading the description.
But what surprised her most was Victoria’s choice. Without hesitation, Victoria ordered the terung dayak pork bone soup—a classic dish that evoked strong memories for both of them. Kaylee suddenly recalled Victor mentioning how their mother, Long Lefyna, had cooked that exact dish for them, and how the taste had lingered in his memory. The choice hinted at a side of Victoria that Kaylee rarely saw: one quietly tethered to home, despite her outwardly cool demeanor. Kaylee felt a deeper connection to her soon-to-be sister-in-law.
When their meals arrived, both women savored every bite of their delicious lunch.
After lunch, they wandered through the market stalls, teeming with handcrafted jewelry, vibrant sarongs, and the occasional street performer. Victoria browsed with detached curiosity, while Kaylee admired everything she saw, stopping to chat with vendors and share laughs.
At one of the last stalls, they noticed a young man bent over his work, meticulously carving intricate shapes from pieces of wood. His table displayed beautiful, faith-inspired carvings—doves, scripture verses, and other symbols of peace and devotion. Each piece bore a raw, natural beauty, a testament to his skill.
“Good afternoon, ladies,” he greeted them with a warm smile as they approached. His voice was friendly and genuine, blending effortlessly with the sun-dappled surroundings. “You seem like you appreciate a good carving.”
Kaylee returned his smile, clearly charmed. “They’re beautiful! How do you do it?”
He chuckled modestly. “It’s just a hobby... though it’s become a bit of a passion. My mother always taught me to create with purpose, and faith plays a big role in that.”
Victoria hung back a few paces, uncertain of her own reaction. She wasn’t used to feeling drawn to a stranger, especially a man, but something about his unaffected charm intrigued her. She couldn’t quite place it, but she found herself almost... curious.
Noticing her glances, the young man turned her way, his smile widening. Placing a hand on his chest, he introduced himself, “Liam. And you are...?”
Sensing Victoria’s hesitation, Kaylee stepped in, smiling. “Nice to meet you, Liam. I’m Kaylee, and this is Victoria.”
“Hi, Kaylee,” he said, then paused, his gaze shifting thoughtfully to Victoria. “And Victoria,” he repeated, as if savoring her name. “A lovely name.” The warmth in his tone was refreshing, somehow captivating even to Victoria, who usually remained indifferent in such encounters.
Liam’s gaze lingered on her thoughtfully. Then, moving to a corner of his table, he picked up a small, unfinished butterfly carving. “Here—I felt moved to gift this to you. I hope it’ll remind you of the beautiful transformation you’re going through, like a butterfly,” he said, extending it to her with a small, sincere smile.
Victoria's hand reached out instinctively to accept the gift before her mind could think. Her fingers brushed against his when she took the carving from his hand. The brief contact left her unexpectedly unsettled, especially after what he just said.
A beautiful transformation? she wondered.
She looked down at the butterfly in her hand, her cheeks warming as she traced the delicate grooves and details etched into one wing. There was something about the piece that resonated with her in a way she hadn’t felt before, stirring a faint, unfamiliar emotion that made her pulse quicken.
“And…” Liam moved over to his finished artworks, his index finger tapping thoughtfully against his lips as he selected something for Kaylee. After a moment, he returned, holding an intricately carved wooden dove. “This one is for you, Kaylee.”
Kaylee’s eyes lit up at his gift, and as she took the small carving from his hand, she found herself captivated by its delicate workmanship. Yet there was something more—a deeper feeling she couldn’t quite explain, a sense of warmth and meaning that settled within her.
Liam’s gentle voice pulled her from her thoughts. “May the Holy Spirit always be with you.”
Suddenly, the feeling made sense. This wasn’t just a beautiful gift; it was a blessing, filled with intention and thoughtfulness. She looked at him, recognizing a quiet, spiritual depth in his gaze.
Kaylee was so moved that, for a moment, she simply stood there, stunned and speechless, forgetting to thank him.
“Anyway,” he continued, “I should get back to work.” Turning to Victoria, he added, “Hold on to that little butterfly. Next time I see you, it’ll be finished.”
Before she could respond, he offered a playful salute and returned to his workspace, leaving Victoria with an unexpected sense of anticipation.
“Thank you… it’s beautiful,” she murmured, more to herself than to him. She turned away, trying to make sense of the unfamiliar feelings his presence stirred. For the first time, she found herself curious about a stranger.
As they walked away, Kaylee noticed the rare, almost shy expression on Victoria’s face and nudged her with a grin. “You okay?”
Victoria cleared her throat, brushing it off. “I’m fine. Just... didn’t expect to meet someone like him.”
“Someone like him?” Kaylee teased, but Victoria only shrugged, a half-smile playing on her lips.
***
The afternoon slipped away, and soon it was time to head back to the Langford estate. They drove slowly along the coast, letting the sea breeze drift through the open windows, carrying the scent of salt and sun-warmed sand.
Victoria held the unfinished wooden butterfly in her lap, her fingers brushing over its delicate grooves as she replayed her brief encounter with Liam. Despite her usual guardedness, she couldn’t shake the light, inexplicable warmth he had left in her heart.
Kaylee, too, was captivated, cradling her carved dove with a sense of awe. The young man had a rare gift—not only for his craft but also for the depth of his faith and spiritual sensitivity, imbuing each piece of his artwork with meaning.
By the time they arrived at the Langford estate, it was just about time for dinner.
Upon meeting Ford and Victor, both Kaylee and Victoria noticed a new dynamic between the two men—a deeper, almost unspoken bond. For Kaylee, it was heartwarming yet unfamiliar. But for Victoria, it was like stepping into a distant memory. She recognized this sense of closeness between her father and brother, though it had been so long since she’d witnessed it that she had nearly forgotten how it felt.
Of the two women, Victoria was more surprised by this shift.
From Ford and Victor's perspective, they too noticed a subtle change in Kaylee and Victoria, as if an invisible barrier between them had quietly dissolved. However, they couldn’t help but sense something different about Victoria. Normally self-assured and composed, tonight there was an unfamiliar hint of shyness about her—an almost delicate, feminine reserve that was entirely unlike her usual poise. Ford and Victor exchanged glances, both inwardly startled by this discovery, though neither let it show on his face. In unspoken agreement, they all maintained their composure, acknowledging the shift without explicitly mentioning it.
Seated together at the dinner table, they shared a rare, warm meal—especially meaningful for Ford and Victoria. It had been over a decade since they had last sat together so peacefully, simply enjoying each other’s company over a meal.
Beneath her composed exterior, Victoria wrestled with her thoughts, the delicate wooden butterfly in her pocket feeling heavier than it should. Though she would never admit it, she knew that something subtle yet undeniable had shifted within her that day.
***
Victoria shut her bedroom door, exhaling as she leaned back against it. Tonight had been stirring in ways she hadn’t anticipated—more than just the family dinner, and more than just the deep conversation with Kaylee. She looked down at the small butterfly carving Liam had handed her, its delicate, unfinished wings catching the light.
“Next time we meet, I’ll finish this for you.” The words came back to her, lingering in her mind. A strange warmth had accompanied his offer, a kindness she hadn’t expected. But she pushed that feeling aside, trying not to dwell on the brief glimmer of something unfamiliar in herself.
She set the butterfly on her bedside table and sat down, feeling a weight much deeper settle over her. Her mind drifted back to her conversation with Kaylee—how she had shared things that had shaken her, things that now came rushing back with new clarity. She thought of the years she had spent convincing herself that her attraction to women was... right for her, that somewhere along the way, she had stopped questioning it. She had pushed aside thoughts of men without fully understanding why. Had it been fear? Mistrust? Or maybe she had found a sense of control, a kind of comfort, in staying within the boundaries she had drawn.
But tonight, looking at that unfinished butterfly, she began to wonder if there was more she hadn’t yet faced. Her heart twisted, feeling the weight of all the choices, all the beliefs she had clung to, and the question that Kaylee had posed about God’s calling on her life. It was as though a door had opened that she wasn’t ready to step through, but couldn’t fully ignore either.
Kaylee had talked about repentance, about how true healing and freedom meant returning to God’s design, even when it seemed difficult. For the first time, Victoria was considering the possibility of a different path—one that wasn’t just about choosing a new relationship but about coming to terms with herself, her faith, and what she wanted her life to look like.
The road ahead felt daunting. She knew it would mean confronting things she had buried. And if she were to take that first step toward healing, she knew it wouldn’t be easy. She would need the courage to look at her own heart and to seek the guidance and forgiveness that Kaylee had talked about. It was a journey she would have to press through every step, trusting that, in the end, it could lead her somewhere whole.
She exhaled slowly, her mind growing quieter as she allowed herself to consider it—a future where she could feel fully at peace with herself, grounded in faith and truth.
It was a long night for her.
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