Power up your marriage leadership in five major areas

If you married a highly capable woman, your marriage is both blessed and challenging. Blessed because a capable woman is like a superwoman. She is good at almost everything.

She can have smart conversations with you, inspire you with brilliant ideas for your projects, and help you bring in extra household income with her highly-paid job or business, and most of the time she is also capable of keeping herself presentable and looking great whenever she joins you at social events. During challenging times, you can be sure that she will have your back.

Now, it is at the same time challenging for you, because she is ever ready to step up and take charge if you ever react late in leading or making a decision during critical times. She might have such a high taste that makes her appear to be demanding to you, which could in turn gradually mold you to tone down more and more for the sake of making her happy – you think letting her decide will make her happier (I hate to break it to you, but most of the time it works exactly the opposite way).

I want to be very honest with you, that a majority of the wives I encountered are in some way, deliberately or subconsciously, expressing their frustration and disappointment with their husband‘s lack of leadership and sense of direction for their marriage and future.

If you are among the loving husbands who always try their best to make their wives happy, today you are going to learn 15 tested actions that you can follow right away (and repeat) to rekindle adoration and respect for you in your beautiful wife's heart – by mastering these five major areas to lead big in your marriage:

Area 1: Finance

The Dream Talk

When you are relaxing together, maybe over a meal, share a financial goal you dream of, and then invite her to share hers.

It may be that both of you aspire to retire early by the age of 35. Or that you both share the same dream of you being the breadwinner, and letting her stop her corporate job to pursue her true passion while spending more time at home with the children.

Remember, no dream is too ridiculous or selfish at this point. Make the sharing casual and enjoyable.

A Strong Foundation

If you know there will be free time for both of you, invite her to do some financial planning together.

Use a simple spreadsheet or template like this to fill up your monthly cash inflow (e.g. streams of income) and outflow (e.g. bills, loan repayment). Share your cash flow with her, discuss where most cash has gone, and the possible areas in which you can generate some savings. Decide together on the recurring transactions that you can automate as much as possible (e.g. tithe allocation, monthly savings, loan repayment, credit card payment, utility bills, etc.). Also, discover together any good investments with extra cash (e.g. share & trading, unit trust fund, retirement savings scheme).

If she has her separate income source and financial commitment, encourage and guide her to do the same.

Money may be a sensitive topic for some couples. So be prepared to be sincere and transparent with her if you do this. Once you have started this, you are building a solid foundation on financial management in your marriage.

Walk The Talk

Simple as it may sound, if you agree to save by reducing unnecessary entertainment expenses, then some examples of action you can take could include reducing your cinema trips and opting for movie time at home instead.

Explore practical ideas together to realize your plans toward your dreams and goals, and then encourage each other along the journey.

Area 2: Meals

"Where to eat?"

One of the toughest questions in the world, right? If you usually ask this question a lot when it comes to eating out (and she, too), the next time you eat out, you decide what and where to eat.

Consider her preference and favorite, take note of her recent cravings, and try to avoid cuisine similar to what you have just eaten yesterday or even the last two days unless she is craving the same food.

The Sweet Surprise

Surprise her with desserts you know she loves. Either go grab a take-out and bring it home for her or if you are both outside in town, just drop by and invite her in for a little sweet indulgence.

Be aware of her ongoing health aspiration, too. For example, if she is committing to cutting down her sugar and dairy intake, put a little extra effort into finding a place that offers more natural and healthier desserts like the red bean dessert or bird's nest from the Asian cafes or restaurants, and opt for less sugar.

Something Healthier

Balance out the once-in-a-while dessert treat above with regular healthier food intake through some of these good habits:

• Always bring at least a bottle of drinking water with you when you both go out, and encourage her to drink it up with you on the go.

• Reduce eating fast food and when you have to, keep to the ala cart menu and skip the meal combo. Why pay (even if just a little) more to feed yourselves with fries and carbonated drinks, right?

• Be creative in making minor food swaps. Love fish and chips? Try grilled fish and baked potato wedges to cut down on the less-healthy fat. Always want ice cream? Try to freeze up some full-fat yogurt (avoid the low or zero-fat ones, as they are loaded with sugar) or fruits like persimmons and mangoes.

• Be generous to yourselves! Sometimes it’s really okay to spend a little more on good food like organic meat, food low in glycemic load, and quality supplements.

So, your leadership comes in through the power of suggestion, especially when she asks what to cook, what groceries to stock up on, or where to eat.

Area 3: Her Personal Development

The Passion Discovery

Consider her passion, ask her, or find out more about it if you haven’t discovered it. Then think about possible ways you can encourage her to expand what she loves doing.

If she has been painting, consider organizing an art exhibition for her artworks. It can be as simple as inviting friends and relatives to your home to see her artwork collection while hosting a simple meal.

If she writes good articles, suggest putting her best articles together in a printed book, as gifts to family and friends, or even to put up for sale!

The Follow-up

Ask her how was her day. If she has been working on a hobby or personal project, follow up with her about her most exciting moment so far.

By just listening to her, you can make her feel loved and cared for. And if she does share her struggle or problem with you, don’t rush into helping her to find solutions. Just focus on listening and understanding her deeper, only then do you ask her if she needs your help to solve it.

Be the Sponsor

Of course, she will appreciate every attention you give to support her in her passion – by listening to her sharing, encouraging her when she needs motivation to progress forward, giving her ideas, introducing her work to your friends, and so on.

All these involvements are different ways you can sponsor her personal development. Sponsoring is never just about giving money, right? But when you are willing to put in money to invest in nurturing her passion (within your means), you are showing her your sponsorship and confidence in her at a whole new level.

If there is only one person who cheers for her to pursue her passion, let it be you. If there is someone known as her No.1 fan, let it be you. I guarantee you, that if she could choose to only share her passion and dream story with one person in this world, she would want it to be you. That’s why she married you, to share her world with you.

So, don't let another appreciative man take this precious spot in her world on your behalf.

Area 4: Intimacy

Dancing in the Rain

I mean, in the shower. Invite her to shower together, and try to time yourself so that you finish showering at about the same time as her.

Be creative to tease her the way you know she likes it. If she doesn’t like you playing with her tummy, DON’T do it - for example.

Feel free to gently advance your intimacy if she seems to enjoy it. Of course, timing is everything. Don’t pick a time when you are both rushing to go somewhere. And if you are not yet comfortable with her menstruation discharge or blood, don’t try this during her period.

Thanks to the Lotion

If she usually applies lotion after showering at night, offer to apply the lotion on her body and tell her, “Let me treat you tonight.”

If she lets you, now what else you want to do next is all up to you! To set up a supportive mood for a relaxing and intimate time, play some sentimental music on your phone and dim the light.

Cuddle-cuddle

Our favorite. If she sleeps on her side, hug her from her back when her back faces you, or when she faces your back, naughtily squeeze your back into her front and grab her arm (the one facing top) to hug you from your back.

Cuddle, cuddle, and cuddle a lot. Want the maximum impact? Try sleeping naked. If she is comfortable with it, you can help to undress her while she is already on the bed.

Be warned: Once you both start loving this, be sure to wake up earlier than usual because the morning cuddle-cuddle can take a long time before you are both willing to finally get off the bed.

Yes, cuddle-cuddle is SO good, just don’t be late for work!

Area 5: Faith

Worship Starts from Home

Whether you worship corporately at church or not, your worshipful life from home individually and as a couple is paramount.

Consider waking up early in the morning. Lead her to say a simple prayer, and even sing some simple praise songs before you both start your day. This helps you to condition your hearts of worship for the rest of the day, and what happens in the spiritual realm through your worship and prayers is powerful to intervene in what happens in your worldly life.

Simple prayer points:

• Thank God for a new day.

• Forgiveness for each other.

• A prepared heart to worship God together.

Some praise & worship songs to try:

• With a thankful heart

• The steadfast love of the LORD

• Forever

The Bedtime Prayer

As often as you can, invite her to pray together before you both sleep, for your marriage and family.

Simple prayer points:

• Thank God for the life, marriage, and family He has blessed you with.

• Forgiveness for each other.

• Wisdom and strength for you to lead the marriage and family.

• A wealth of love to love your wife.

• Fruitfulness for both of you, children, provision, blessings.

• Protection and health for your family.

• Revelation of God’s will for your family.

Scripture of the Day

Pick a meaningful Scripture of the Day from the Bible and invite her to meditate with you over it together. You can start with our favorites: 1 Peter 4:8, Philippians 4:6-8, Jeremiah 29:11-13, and Colossians 3:12-13.

So, how was it?

I hope you try one, maybe two, or all of these tested actions soon. Some of these may have already been part of your marriage routine.

Anyway, go and complete your Power Up challenge, and tell me, which of these ideas have you tried and how it turned out.

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